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“For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again”, this is a quote from movie The curious case of Benjamin Button, letter to his daughter. Yet, in my world this too applies to me. We tend to believe that life in a different place would mean something better. Considering this, I have tried to be content with the place where I resided throughout my life-a rural area in the east of the United States. However, due to various circumstances which would take too much time to describe here, I started to come into peace as to where I have ended up and why things turn out the way they do.
Hello, my name is Wendy Sarabia, a now 37-year-old single woman, with four boys. It was approximately over eighteen years ago I was giving birth to my first-born Edward Gonzalez via cesarean section. At this exact moment, I knew that I had brought this little boy into this world, and I knew that I will never give up on him. From this day forth, my life was never the same again. In that same year of 1997, I had to give up many things for my son. I moved out of “mom’s” house to live with the father of my all my boys. Being an eighteen-year-old mother was hard enough! I had to start a whole different life with a new family. Granted, my new family were kind enough to open their doors to me, and accept me into their lives as well. I quickly adapted to this life of being a teenage mother, yet I had a hard time adapting with the relationship my sons father and I were trying to build. There were many bumps along the road, like minimum wage jobs, low on money, and trying to put clothes on my sons back. Yet, one way or another we found the way. Throughout the process though, I had to find out what a broken heart felt like. I say this because, my sons father cheated on me, various times. Of course, I had to let things go for the sake of “keeping the family together.” Time went on, and two-years later came into my life my second child, Jesus Gonzalez, also known as “Jesse”.
I continued to live life as best as I could, enjoying time with my boys, and the father of my children were the best times at that point. Yet, as life continued to pass us through we soon realized that we too were growing up, yet in different directions. I, as a mother, had to grow up the fastest, I believe. Why? Well because, I wanted the best for my boys! I wanted to give them a good life. I decided to get back in to college, while at the same time trying to keep a job, that I wasn’t meant for. You know, not like a “dream” job, but it got me to where I needed to be at that point in my life. The father of my boys was also struggling, but yet I feel that this was way different for him. I think this way because, we lived with his parents all this time, and well he was comfortable, way too comfortable. As a mother, I wanted more for my boys. My dream was to have my own home, and live comfortably with my little family. Of course this was not the case. The father of my boys and I continued to have problems. He wanted to party, and continue to live life as if he was single, and I wanted the same thing but I knew this couldn’t happen. I didn’t bring these boys into this world not to show them what is right.
Over the years, life kept getting harder, and harder. I was now over 22-years of age, struggling to get a good paying job, struggling in my early 20’s with two handsome boys (which I do NOT regret having), dealing with marital problems (and yet we never got married, only by common law), and continuing my college education! Geez, I have no idea how I made it, but I am truly thankful that I did. I don’t think that at one point we don’t stop and think how hard life can be, nor if living someone else’s life would be harder. One thing is for sure, it wasn’t easy, and it’s still not easy! I realized that our life kept passing us by, and then one day he left. I had to make the decision of living life as a single mother was not an option but obligatory. My boys were eleven and nine, they were still too young to understand why. They actually didn’t even notice he was gone until after a few months. Yes, he came to visit them frequently, and I do appreciate this. During this time, it gave me time to live my life, since I was not living it as I would have loved to, yet it was my time to reflect.
Sixteen-months passed, coincidently we met again their father and I, he asked to come back into our lives. I did not hesitate at that point. My thoughts were, “whom better than their father”. So, we did, we got back together, and life was good. My boys had their father back, they loved to see us together as a family. Five-months into the relationship again, I was pregnant with my third son, Jeshua Gonzalez! Beautiful, handsome, blue-eyed boy, he made our lives joyous again. See, at that time his father was now thirty-years old, where for the first-time he realized what having a son meant to him. Yes, believe it or not, it’s the truth! He realized because he was tired of partying, of sleeping with random-girls, and tired of not having his boys around. I was happy, I felt happy, my life had a purpose now. We were both more mature, and enjoying each other’s company again with our little addition to our lives.
Two years after that came our fourth son, Elias Gonzalez. Life was good, we got a house, well a “mortgage payment” I should say, and of course life was repeating itself again. My boys father was stressing trying to make ends meet financially. We both were working full-time jobs, I felt I was putting more money in then he was. Well, that’s how I felt at the time, it was putting a stress over the relationship! Then, one day we got into an argument that he wanted to go out drinking with his buddies, and of course I said no! He didn’t like that, and we said mean words to each other. He told me that he was tired of me complaining about money all the time. Yet, I felt that as the “man of the house”, he needed to put more responsibilities towards us, his family. I mean, overall he was living comfortably, and his boys were too. Yet, he still decided to walk out on us, and yet this time, I felt, he wasn’t coming back. I couldn’t continue accepting that he wasn’t putting in 100% in the relationship, so I decided to call it quits!
Don’t get me wrong, I am still struggling, but this time I am alone, without someone that keeps dragging me down instead of supporting and helping me up. At times, I do ask myself if the choices I have made are the right ones, who knows! I don’t think I will ever know. The only thing I do know, is that it was all for them, my four baby boys! In my eyes they will always be my babies. My first born Edward is now 18, soon to be 19 in November. Jesse my second son, is now 16, soon to be 17 in November as well. Jeshua my third son, is 8 years old, and last but not least Elias, he is now 6 years old. Quite frankly, if I had the opportunity to change my past decisions, I wouldn’t change one thing. My struggles have shown me who I am today. Every day that goes by, I am evolving. I, Wendy Sarabia, continue to further my education, continue to work full-time, continue to raise my boys to the best of my ability, and continue to be here as a mother, employee, student, and as a friend to everyone who has ever known me as a person.
In conclusion, I am proud to be who I am today, because if it wasn’t for the struggles I have encountered as a mother, a spouse, an employee, etc., I would not be the person that I am today. Someone who will never stop trying to better herself, and become a better person for others. The day I will leave this world, I know that people are going to remember me, because I know I leave a memory to those I have met. “Love the life you live, live the life you want”, quote from Bob Marley.
is for sure, it wasn’t easy, and it’s still not easy! I realized that our life kept passing us by, and then one day he left. I had to make the decision of living life as a single mother was not an option but obligatory. My boys were eleven and nine, they were still too young to understand why. They actually didn’t even notice he was gone until after a few months. Yes, he came to visit them frequently, and I do appreciate this. During this time, it gave me time to live my life, since I was not living it as I would have loved to, yet it was my time to reflect.
In conclusion, I am proud to be who I am today, because if it wasn’t for the struggles I have encountered as a mother, a spouse, an employee, etc., I would not be the person that I am today. Someone who will never stop trying to better herself, and becom