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He gained consciousness it was morning but as he tried to wake completely , his Jinn body was aware of a darkish kind of “conscious light ”. He tarried for a half an hour before attempting a cup of coffee that would bring his problems back to mind .Each day he awakened and tried to bring his problems back to mind and work he did on the neume that was his soul . It was in fact a master that said the work we didn’t complete yesterday could easily be completed the next day’s work is easier because of how hard we worked yesterday . I think he is a alchemist not acoustic but one of consciousness . So onward he works hoping for the transposition of his character from a brute to a butterfly or maybe a sparrow . I think now I’ll just tell you truths rather than trying to allude to them in some kind of allegory that maybe you would actually gain more if I just presented the ideas as Brica -Braca guarding myself to be as truthful as possible .I must warn you though they don’t call me alchemist they call me schizophrenic as you have been conditioned to respond with suspicion .They say things like “he on medication ”or he lives in” assisted living .” So if I say I think the Essene were highly interested in giving the cosmic soul a character ,a character they understood .That coming to this opinion ” the Lord looks at your character “ is kind of where those of us who try to follow Christ” end up ” that is believing that is true .Was it not character that St. Paul said was his hope ? So what I’m saying is like characterizing the breaths that I view as your neume , does not the word itself depend on the vital breath to express itself to others and so the soul is connected to the other or another through the vital breath . It’s true the flesh body can’t enter the “pneumonic “ another dimension of space where luminous conscious counts more than brutal force .Only by refining the character do we also refine the breath to breath the ” Air “of the heavens .Some refinements take lifetimes and lifetimes but it’s good work ! And in the good work you will find things about yourself that you like and you will have joy in them . Well ,I guess no matter what I would say there or those who enjoy throwing stones .Not stones from the earth but like them ,they hide them in their word and when they speak that way you feel all kinds of brutal things in your thousand petal lotus .It wasn’t long after the opening of the kundalini that they began putting me in mental hospitals , asking me to take medication . So there I’ve said that put it here on paper but I don’t think that what you want to hear from me . It’s just that I wish you would call me alchemists rather than schizophrenic . I live here a Renaissance Manor an assisted living vascilty for the mentally ill .I ask them when my father died if the would put me in Bay Pines Veterans hospital but they said they don’t do that anymore ,so they put me in an assisted living .I’m diagnosed schizophrenic because I hear voice of being they don’t hear .It is true however they ,the voices , sometimes create episodes because of the difficulty of dealing with and I had to go on disability . Self image is so important to our psychological needs are for security , significances and affections .I can’t do a perfect food fast but my initial fast was for 96 hours and that seems O .K . I’m saying I’m need a better self image than” schizophrenic .” 38 years ago was my first fast I stop doing fasts but I haven’t eaten meat in 25 years I just wanted to do something in the category even if it wasn’t precisely the same thing .These things should be referenced when talking of any a priori saying that’s wonderful but lots of things like that are wonderful but mostly unrealizable . I’m having a hard time at 68 believing that people can really live the good life mostly life doesn’t lend itself to that to be quit so idealistic kind of makes us all Don Quixote which supposedly him wanting to practise was funny ,its much easier to discuss .Surly you can see no service was done to the orchestra if the concert is unplayable . The voices they say there is something wrong but they won’t say what ,they just say there is a problem .I keep asking if I did something wrong in Samadhi when this friend of mine came into my Samadhi and said “I didn’t come and get you from Samadhi for nothing “.I thought maybe I did something wrong .But he also said a moment amid a thousand years are the same to God .I didn’t really want to be confused about time I .E . if we were scheduled for a 96 hour fast and I’ve done 80 hours we have 16 hours to reach our goal .Then we can say we are a faster of 96 hours .I also don’t like the idea I have to wait for a thousand years for some psychological support .If you even could ? It seems to me we live two lives one is fantasy the other is real .We kind of move that way having fantasies and every once in a while a fairy tale comes true .We live that tomorrow will be filled with todays dreams realized .Adjust , rework , press on ,long suffering ,patience , self control , love things ,did he say would yield character and hope .You see I’m a Christian alchemist . Because of the Madness I can’t write a regular book but I’ve got some things you should know so I’m after a forward describing some of the experiences that happening to me ,the rest of the book will be impressionistic Brica- Braca . So here goes Mystical Brica -Braca . THE GARDEN To the later man that will become ,ThIS HOW IT WAS . Do you think the soul is the artsy ,music love n’ ,humanitarian ,particu lar body . ! It is pure consciousness . Pure reason and the enveloping atmosphere . In some sense pure suchness . “ I am that too “ ! Such- of the kind ,character or sort of indicated . consider climate as the attitude of others . The blossoms of suchness !
When we consider suchness we want to keep our eye on that” just so moment ”That just so moment” we will call virtue Sketched suchness pure reasons “sort” to ethos , pathos ,and mythos . Ethos – attitude ,sympathy , empathy Pathos – pity Mythos - the tale . The Collective Sub – conscious John : 17 “ I do not pray only for them ,but also for those who believe in me because their message , I pray they all may be one ,Father .May they be in us , just you are in me and I am in you .May they be one so tha tthe world will believe that you sent me .” During death and transfiguration we entered what to us while in the body was the sub – conscious that it became an inner oneness! In some sense there should be an awakening from the divine dream . Obviously what dream after the divine one ?Will it be another nightmare or we watch Jesus being glorified forever ? Going from a “spirit id “ of perhaps a salt worm simple opening and closing when the sunlight shines on it ,to the ONE , that is that Christ lets you into his consciousness ! See John 3 Jesus and Nicodemus ,My point is bread and wine ,” light airs ”the Eucharist ! The flesh isn’t going to live forever but maybe making the synapse between your conscious and higher consciousness may go on a little longer , if you make it ,if he comes for you .What I do working in the here and now “ID” and trying to perfect my subconscious . Getting into the word ,seed as the image the word invokes and trying to resolve it to light-knowledge ,airs -affect otherwise know as the bread and wine .If we consider that Jesus wanted us to be sheep ,then couldn’t we really say neuron fleece of his sheep ?The malleability of our nervous system would then become very important to our bringing in the sheaths .Remember the term ” vector “ as the stimulus for the creation of a persona , call a ” vector “ a stimulus object .One must remember the term similitude .Also consider the pain of a given fana (effacement) further more ,the seed of a personal autonomic tuition given the mind ,it’s limitations and how much the education cost .Were I believe that cognition is act of knowing therefore I say the central intelligence agency .Feeling as cognition ,the act of knowing as we easily see from neurology is a another form of intelligence .There is and probably is never was the afferent nerve that was completely separate from the rest of the nerve pathways ,to me the body is just another part off our mind .Knowledge is light ,airs are sentiments .If the frontal lobe does have the capability of producing the identity ,a persona ,that is personally identifying the property maybe by some form of essence .The frontal lobe and propencities as food ,we grow as we are fed considering the nature . I suppose the higher superegos would tend to be more wholesome in co - adulate . As the increase in IQ would change the sympathies of our idioms .Then there would be new personas to inculate into your character .Our sensibilities would change and there would be a different response to afferent inputs .The afferent nerves would say the same thing only YOU would mediate them differently .If there was anything that seemed irrational about a personality /character it is the way he mediates his responses .I would say we wire together our autonomic nervous system over the years as habit causes continued use of nerve pathways where as it probably in the ballpark that the afferent nerves fired the same way for everyone evaluating how to respond the mediated part is combined with the automatic part and maybe wiring that together we might respond that way every time we get there in our morning or maybe the character likes to respond that way so he looks for opportunities to work that circuit . I know that sounds like a mouth full but the neurology is malleable and we can easily do character alchemy listening carefully to Jesus and studying remembering from biology that the chromosome can be mutated in four different ways God willing , parts of it can be deleted ,parts of it can be repeated ,the order of appearance can change i.e. it can change its order on the allele or a brand new piece can appear . Mutations are up to God we don’t change the conditions of mitosis or meiosis but God willing we know that change is possible . So for a Christian to say he’s an alchemist is not stupid or insane ,all of these statements are conclusions of science .Not Christian blind faith .The returning of temperament-Reflex Soma ,the endocrines change and the body feels different a new field of feeling hence new thoughts !! It is true you could do that with a drug but the drug wears off and you have to leave the abode . If provided we staying close to nature ways the drug wouldn’t wear off an you wouldn’t be forced to leave the Maqam . I would say now that through the seed process and cultivation ( the mediating neurons ) we create our own autonomic nervous system have being it has a lot to do with what has our sympathy’s are the most for familiar temperament in this in this fashion we call-REFECT SOMA The endocrines change the feelings the body familiarity gained by practised skill ,then it works defined air- an idea ,automatic response . The efferent has a different field .It follows in a different field ,we have different thoughts !! A page turned!! The Function Something has happened to my mind since I took LSD .I receive little specks of information in an effort to find out precisely “what” ? Now Professor Alpert ,Ram Das took it also .His journey to find out what it was , took him to India. He found a Guru there or the guru found him or even called him there the guru’s name is Maharaj ji He said LSD was the descent of an avatar on America an inspiration . Why was it in material form because of all the materialism in America the Avatars counterpart was a material .What it did was let you into the abode of a saint for a short time but you had to come down and become that saint so you live there as your natural abode .So that’s the story they got the inspiration ,they are now trying to be a high guy of some kind so they can be like the saint they were inspired by . Other inputs like the Jacqui way of knowledge that dealt with mind altering drugs written by Carlos Castaneda who took an apprenticeship with Jacqui man of knowledge or you might say people of other cultures that use these mind altering substances to teach a person .I’ve heard them called mystic revellers and Carlos wrote a few book about his experiences . When he found out once again that power was altering his consciousness he ask why the drugs .Don Juan said it was to shrink his tonal so his nahual could be seen their understood as the two sides of a warrior ,he wanted to shrink one so the other could be seen more They were trying to get his Nahual a kind of dream like reality more in the picture .He said a warrior had four enemies fear ,clarity ,power and old age .i found the fact the Don Juan took a salt shaker ,a pepper shaker ,and a sugar shaker they were on a table . He ask him what wasn’t on the table .Carlos answered God ,Don Juan said God was the sugar shaker .I thought that was interesting because the things on the table God or are all use for identification .It’s kind of like Shakespeare’s question to run to being we no not off or taking a great risk that we aren’t assured of getting a better state
One common theme about both prof, Alpert and Don Juan is work on yourself I should think the tonal of the periphery, and the Niguel of texture fields Tonal-periphery-defined air- definitions Nag uel -luminous texture-fields think maybe Naguel is smufta or aura awareness Let the smufta become life force and the tonal become love muscle
A NECESSAY WORD BEFORE MYSTICAL BRICA BRACA CHAPTER ONE When one first purposes the existence of a 5th dimension ,the three dimension we all know ,time for the fourth dimension ,so maybe a 5 th concerned with how we reflect or the viewpoint be as Galileo’s watching from the loading dock .So from this view point we can see all the stuff inside the train is moving along at a constant rate of how fast the train moving or miles /hour .All of it set in motion when the train began to move and from inside the train it all seems as though it were sitting still for all the objects move relative to each other since the train began it’s motion .It’s interesting because if the object were thought maybe if this object thought would move relative to when the train started moving ,we may have a harder time perceiving change because the objects are all moving relative to each other although they are changing but the other objects all changing too relative to each other .So if I lent myself to you so you can get “creative fulfilment “would you become a sadist just to laugh at my folly because of these difficult perceptions . That you preceptor any change sometimes can be very difficult to see .The 5th dimension in my being’s opinion would be where the sensory stimulus was mediated by a kind of A priori mentation before returning it to a body ,the efferent nervous system or it’s similitude .Often we find that the senses are automatic for all of us but how it’s mediated differs from being to being causing various responses from being to being i.e. the soma moves differently in each being .We find why it does that is something called free will that makes an individual .If you look to see if that’s nature i.e. everyone has a pointer finger but no two are exactly the same .I guess it stand to reason we all have a neurology yet no two wired exactly the same .Now some say said you burned synapses with LSD .There was a change but I don’t think it was a dumbness .I don’t believe stereotypes like all police are wired the same .I in my experience had a policeman interact with me while on a desert road through the Mojave desert he ignored me when I asked him for a ride to a place where I could get some water and told me to walk on the other side of the snow fence yet in Trenten New Jersey let me sleep in his Jail and bought me a Big Mac and coke actually ended up calling my parents and ask them if I belonged to them they said I did and came and took me to their home .That’s not the same wiring although the training may have been similar . Me I would rather like benevolent and protective order to cop . So I tried and was trying to serve in creative fulfilment .I’ve always been a servant I tried to serve you in democratic liberty and I built some you your house you got to make it a home .It’s important that people are not alone spiritually so I try to serve in that ,too .If our secretary says she serving the people in our ALF so am I with some first hand understanding of what it’s like to be a resident here and don’t know how else to serve .I tried serving in creative fulfilment but I had a lot of problems as you will shortly see .
So upon ingesting LED we came across the first amusing game which was to say we were hallucinating and were destroying our mind that no reasonable paradigm could be purported ,at least that’s how it affected me . so there was phenomenon I’ve never seen before we on a LSD trip went in the bathroom at a friends house the cords on a towel were moving like someone was run their finger through them their absolutely was no one physically present but me .So this hallucinating idea went on in my mind until a friend of mind gave me do-da blotter and as we were listening to music and watching t.v. with the sound off the Do-Da man flashed on the t.v. he said ” did you see that ” so I know he saw it . If it was a hallucination it would me only in my bio-chemistry his would say the same thing ,but he saw it . There were temptations .I came home from work one day and my wife at that time had gonr to a clothing store and bought all these nightclub close ,I ask her what they were for she said she wanted me to go downtown to nightclubs with my friend who was a bachelor and she was going out with the girls .I think it was to get a judgement against me because I had not lost Jesus in my life ,yet now this isn’t a put down but I believe Jesus will help me Just the same as he will help the pastor but me and the pastor are wired different .There is that same old ten commandments and I am already a sinner but I don’t want to give jesus some absurd statement that he is irrational .Immanuel Kant in saying what objects to choose a your personality in the mediating neurons should agree with a categorical Imperative or their should be a law citing the limits of rational response and just like a traffic sign helps in life I think these imperatives will too . It’s embarrassing to say so but you don’t have to steal my wife from me in the course of your Ego trip .I knew her since I was six years old and she bought your flunkey keys to that kind of heaven and I lost that part of my family that I knew since I was six when I first met her ,she left at twenty-six .I tried again with my daughters mother but you know it’s me I’m unreal because I’m a long haired friend of Jesus .I know this doesn’t seem appropriate but I haven’t had sex with a women fleshy in 36 years .So pastor if you just hit this week don’t preach to me ,telling what to do as a Christian I tell they don’t like it and try to get you forget Jesus .I remain a long haired friend of Jesus . Shortly thereafter tortures began ; we dropped some acid and someone said in the fifth dimension that we were going through Christ consciousness .Kind of like the movie easy rider .There was this girl that was married to this friend when I took the acid I didn’t want to be around her I had no idea why ?It could have been her It could have been me or it could have been the Lord .It did however confuse me and made me go in the other room away from her . So it messed me up behaviourally .I really don’t so they say my behaviour can be irradic for that reason I stayed away from my daughter so I wouldn’t be a sigma to her .i don’t want people to say who Julia the one with Wac-o father .So I didn’t insist that she interact with me . Slowly I begin hearing voices and find that people love saying there is something wrong with his mind I’m slowly being absorbed by the voices .Ram Das when we started all those years ago began talking about death and all this time later he’s still talking about death .I’m keenly aware of what Jesus said things like ,I have to pick up my cross a bear it ,what they did to him and how a servant isn’t greater than his master , if you believe than you could get paranoid .Intensely paranoia went on for twenties of years . I’m becoming absorbed in the voices I hear and I wasn’t taken care of business and I lost both my framing company and my remodelling company .So rather than work by contract we’re working by the hour and there is a boss looking at you .The voices went into a like attack mode and the made episodes of hard to understand behaviour on the outside and they would put me in the mental institution So I couldn’t keep my apartment financially so I was staying at my sister house. I began to wonder if I had a third eye as I sat in a yellow easy boy chair in my sisters living room ,my wife and JoAnn’s brother in law and sister in law were playing cards ,I couldn’t hear them . I began looking on the inside with my eyes closed I saw a little blue dot where they say the third eye is . I kept staring at it all of a sudden I came out of the portal into a field of light a harvester in a field not with a big syth like death but I kind of had this grain gathered in my hand and I was cutting it of close to the root .The field was made of yellow light and it was a grain field I was dressed in a kind of cloth that Tarzan wore ,there was no pain there at all .The was a unusal looking face of a man or women I don’t know which ,someone said they were the high Priest ,there also was a bull . Years later I began to wonder if it was a calling .The trouble was I had problem upon problem .It seem like everything that could go wrong went wrong . Mostly I began to wonder about the high Priest thing and whether we should study Levitical priest or maybe look to the order of Melchizedek .The thing is that’s when I was twenty six I’m sixty eight now forty two years ago I still am no wiser if was an occult goof on me or it was a calling .I couldn’t figure it out monkied or you should take these things seriously .Questions like is Isaiah 53 expected of me or is that a game .It sure yields a lot of paranoia time .I sure don’t want to go to church and bow down to a person that doesn’t understand the problem I have .The paranoia really causes strange behaviour . Alchemist of a confusing dream !Back in 1966 I read a book on zen Buddhism it said we were all waves on the ocean the purport of one causing the next .however we began to wake from this dream slowly partially waking here then there until at last he full awakening when that happened we were free of karma in the Samsara .He called the awakening satori’s until it camr to the grand Satori which freed you from ever having to die again . Maybe nine years later I read a copy of some of the Upanishads which a Sadhu commented we should find a dry cave because it’s all an illusion .Apart from that there were just the Upanishads he said nothing else .So I hibernate into my room sometimes when the illusion gets to painful .People would come through mt apartment I rarely could talk to them( the silence of the lamb) I wonder when the big day is more can be said of the levels of terror we are talking about .Maybe sweated drops of blood .probably the garden of Gethsemane feelings started a little later .some Bel Air Hippies showed up and said do you want to go to D.C and work in the union with us ? I went with them and we got out of my sisters and got a apartment on Eddies farm .we settled in making morning mantra granola and learning about fasting an a introduction to Sufism in the book the purpose of life by Pir -o- Murshid Kahn we fasted as I read it , me and Bill and Eddie for three days 96 hours .We continued to drop acid only it was really like Easy Rider because Eddie owned a farm I didn’t have a bike either When I lost my car my mother bought me a old green Rambler which is far from a bike .So like I’m still tripping and smoking like a Sadhu .Off the subject for some reason I think sadhus are my brothers maybe just how they trust God so much and constantly smoke .I can relate to going to Samadi taking acid and smoking .But you know this little problem we got to convince the high priest he wants to opt for forgiveness .People need to live not die in punishments ! I’m there on the farm and I think I got it made met a guy who was driving a covered wagon down the road I said hey what guy and he imitated me to fasting .I went down to the bookstore and there were these Tibetan books of the dead in the wholesale bin so I bought one remembering at this point we no nothing about the future ,so we bought one came home with put it on the coffee table unread Then we went through more strange dharma .The paranoia continued but like the Buda and the bow tree I became the room wherein a man was reading a book . It taught me the possibility of animism .What called the cosmogonic neume is getting realer and realer .The experience like that of being one with your surroundings was very pleasant there were other experiences that were very painful flipping out or being cast out or disintegrating like a Felix the cat cartoon ,do you see the Rhythm here , you can’t guess what it’s going to be .You may expect pleasure get pain that puts a strain on your mediating neurons not to get angry when the expectation isn’t met .This that hangs out with a friend of mine came into my aura tormented me all night long like a jester he would harang me all night long you got yourself in a box ,sex in the soul he kept this up so I went upstairs to get away from it ,in the morning I said play us something on your guitar he said” oh no you don’t” I said “the torment was a moment ago ,this is a new moment a new rush .”He played ! We learned to forgive like that making it possible to have new rushes maybe some you’ll like .Is this the baptism of fire! We hope Jesus isn’t angry with us . Next we had to deal with the Nicodemus question ,”can a man enter again into his mother’ womb so he can be born again”. My wife left me and this guy that was handling the horse and wagon came into my apartment and said remember your promise .A voice came on the and said ,”I will die for you .” Then I became aware of someone on the inside pinching my heart .The breath stopped and my consciousness gather in my head. What will this be like ?I had just read the Tibetan book of the dead will it be the onslaught peaceful and wrathful deities or something else .There with my consciousness gathered in my head and breath stopped , I said ,”om mane Padma hum and let go of my body with the help of guidance ,I ascended a luminous spark of a red and gold crystalline light it was like a flower quickly blossoming only it was consciousness .It ascending up the spinal cortex then suddenly breaking into a gold and red flower made of the living word ,”Father Glorify Thy Son ”, then the answer , “Thy will be Done “ in a silver a black substance .At that time I was pure luminous consciousness a kind of plasma the flowed .After the kind of the cyrstaline light crackling there was a deep .deep silence we went some more with different perceptions and then we rose very high and in consciousness then I came spiraling down again a luminous word” who’s david ” in a kind of smoky white light maybe a kind of plasma as I said before .Until all of a sudden we were back in the body ,born again ! Was that the rapture and he didn’t know me . I was back in the farm house . a friend from the farm came and said ,” Dave you had a ego death ”I guess I got to start over building so I can rebirth myself .Maybe a new name of some kind that would give a new name for self image and get my psychological needs met .security , significance and affection is necessary . CHAPTER TWO I stayed in the apartment on the farm (the dry cave) then suddenly I spaced across the corn field to Eddie’s farm house and I was seated in Samadi on the inside .This friend that came over and said remember your promise also he said “ they say it takes three days ”, Jesus said destroy this temple and in three days I will raise in up again ,furthermore he gave me a essay by Jorge Borges ,Three dialogues of Judas it talked of counterpoise and Judas place in it .It is antagonistic most off us believe the main man was Jesus not Judas .That Jesus was also a teacher and a physician it is known he was also a master ,more than Just a sacrifice ,Well the thing was what do you have to offer to counterpoise .I didn’t even entertain damnation .So I tried , a new me ,to make some kind of counterpoise .Now according to the essay by Mr. Borges was a story of how Judas went to hell for ever as his part in counterpoise It’s very irritating because the scripture says ,”he went to his place ”.What was said was ,” In the name of the most mercy ,most compassionate the spirit of guidance !What would make this right why not we draw lots for the cups let the Father prepare them suffer and forgive it and say a servant isn’t greater than his master those who drew lots actually went through things so please close the door to hell .It was more than just the principle of the thing they really suffered .We called it the Babylon conspiracy . I thought if I am really in touch with the high Priest it might make a difference in what has to be paid by people as their Karma .And they can spend more time living freely .Now it could be an occult game they are laughing at down the hall from my room but if it was real not a game then it would be “ to bad “ for some people so we thought we had better plan on a bear market(when I say bear market I speak of murphy’s law plan on the worst case if things turn out better great if they don’t you got a plan ) and we drew a lot. Now of course we have to serve it out . I maintained a Samadi for a while until a girl friend said ,” do you feel like somethings got s hold of you ”and I did so it had begun .Her boyfriend yelled” get to work” ,at a former time he said the only work you got to do is on yourself .I went looking for work .I found a remodelling job in Wilmington fixing up a dollar home a friend came with me to Wilmington ,Delaware . Now I was calling mt way of perceiving property a similitude that is ,” What is above is below “ I began to get very paranoid there were sold signs and for sale signs and don’t stand on the top rung of the latter signs and we were putting the ceilings up and I’m starting to hear voices .This thing from the fifth dimension came and got into my head ,I tried thrashing my head from side to side in an attempt to throw it out . I mean it just came and grabbed me and it started this dialogue ,this female voice called it Big Daddy .So this continued day after day of work and paranoia until finally when the work on the house was complete ,it seemed that the people in the neighbourhood began making a lot a racket outside .So trying to be brave we went out on the front porch .This thing grabed me and I began snorting my breath through my solar plex and the owner the dollar came up in his car somehow they rushed me into it and we drove down to my mothers and Father’s house where I got out ,he didn’t talk to my mother .So there was this ordeal and I’m back at my mother and Fathers house in Jarrettsville . These things are so devastating it takes a while to get it together again .I turned in a clear lot but that wasn’t all of it .The lot I mean ! Was it an occult game ? Was it the work of a high priest ? whence evil ? CHAPTER THREE So we went to sit crossed legged at my mother and fathers house in Jarrettsville, Maryland .Big Daddy started showing pictures of my sinswhich he said because of his sense of humor ,that every time Jesus saw a sin in my thought center ,he would leave my centre and crucify himself symbolically in hyperspace by getting on the cross and chanting OM ,that may sound funny to you but it didn’t feel right to me .It was embarrassing and paranoid .There was this Image coming into my thought centre and then going out with the sin it found .It would say coming in ,going out .So to amuse the occult . We would sit before a backgammon board and he would say how many disciples do you have and we would roll a 12 .He would say what plain are you on and we would roll a 7 ,he called them every time .So then we went inside or he took us inside and said tell thr 4 th plan to keep quiet it was very pleasant where we were ,but when the words came out it sounded super funny ,see that was actually fun ,so is he friend or foe . My mother bought it ,that I was a whack-o and she wanted to take me to the doctors and he gave me Stelazine medicine which she called the creepy -crawlies and oh boy was It painful .I stood up an screamed I’m a human being and pounded my fist on a marble coffee table . The doctor said give him some black coffee , which I drank and felt better .Again was that part of the lot in this attempt to say ally .ally in free or just someone funning around . I’m sitting there kind of ego dead and all of a sudden big daddy says your ego is coming back for you and is he mad for trying to get rid of him .The female voice mother nature laughed and my mother Marian said ROCA ,ROCA, REMA this thing came out of the darknes and flattened us . it howled Roca ,Roca ,Rema up and down the street my head went with it like a pulse doppler radar . Then again at my mother’s house this little ugly guy began saying crucify , crucify ,crucify . I was distraught with terror .I said .” are you really going to crucify me “the answer was just your feet and thought centre .Yet I was suppose to do my duty that there could be forgiveness .Finally after some time sitting with that a voice said “does that man know what’s going to happen to him ? ” I said I knew and accepted my lot . After that there was a closing of the thousand petal lotus and I was alone in my thought centre so I went back to work with Henry Hoffman a builder at the time in Fallston Maryland He use me with one of his sons in what’s called catching up the framing crews , I would adjust framing put on the garage or front porch ,texture 111 were ever just help with the problems on the houses .sometimes cut out the over hangs so the chimney could pass through .put on back porches and decks .We could frame ,we trim ,hang doors ,cut stairs and put in vanities and kitchen cabinets . We were of use to him so he hired us.If you think it was quit an adventure it wasn’t it was a hell of a nightmare .So we worked for awhile . CHAPTER FOUR I had a little time on my “handy” so I had a little money and I remember that Bill had said he wanted me and Kaye to go see the Sufis ,So she showed up and we headed for the Sufi camp in the southwest . Just before that we in Jarrettsville ,sitting in the living room cross legged we began to surf the t.v. as a way to see a lot of people and erase the dark spot from our heart by making different formula’s on the view we’re looking at them by trying to make each person beloved like he commanded said .Big Daddy said what’s he going to put his continuity into the t,v. and we became aware of the term continuity .Kaye showed so we headed out with a couple hundred dollars to the southwest of the United States in this old Rambler .Down the East coast and a right turn when we got to Florida .Kaye and I didn’t talk at all and I began to think I was wrong when I thought she was the same as me as a matter of fact I didn’t know what she was a devil ,an alley or an angel but with all that work I did on myself I put up with her .We drove for days finally we got a motel to rest as the might wore on I could’t stay in there , I went out into the night , a vibe came through ” there’s something you got to do .”when the morning came I knew Kaye couldn’t make it so I sent her back to Bel Air Md. On the bus .Now I was alone with the voices .What I didn’t mention was that we found the University of Tucson and talking to a Sufi hierarch there for some reason I never really told him about the experiences ,I didn’t talked about what they were , It didn’t seem like he was suppose to answer that question ,What he did say was that he had to pick up his children from school ,it seemed like he was trying to blow us off ,so we left .We made it to see the Sufis but it didn’t amount to anything because of that ,a long trip for nothing . Now what I have been describing isn’t what most people describe as real but it was my reality and like Jimmy Hendrix I had to stay on top if the reality that I had .I feel sorry really that Jimmy Hendrix O.D ed .I believe that with music we can both plant seeds and cultivate them improving human development I was getting some ideas from Hendrix they were worth looking into ,attitudes and stuff . Down the road after that we went to Sonora cactus forest .Before Sonora At a roadside store we bought some grapefruit juice and peanuts and went to a picnic area that really looked like a little shrine. It had slate picnic tables covered by a little roof thing that you put the sacrifice there on top of the table and so forth . We sat there and eat the peanuts and drank the fruit drink and we layed on top of the table . Night came and we were going to sleep in the Rambler but a voice said are you a coward or something We slept on the desert floor with the spiders and of course not sheltered from the coyotes . In the morning we continued down the road .As we went down the road Big Daddy played some more games like he’d saying don’t turn around the Buddha’s in the back seat ,that may sound funny to you but his lack of respect caused in me to Question , Is life worh living ? I’m opened up again in the thousand petal lotus and I started to feel a difficult vibration there .I finally shouted what do you want .Then I thought of the biblical verse ,”when you hear his today do not harden your heart as in rebellion .”A smalls child said “,Father the Masters have lost their feet .”Life is to me sometimes is a struggle with a demon ,the answer to the child’s remark was “you want to be my feet ”,said by the master in question ,he commanded us to take off our shoes and socks and we rushed into a field of thorns screaming in agony as they penetrated the feet .a girl said “that’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen ”The agony moved up our legs until at certain point iit turned into pleasure /pain upon which time we felt embarrassed .We passed out when in a few moments we awoke and got a second dose more agony .
Finally as we regained control of our self we sat cross legged on the quilt and Big Daddy did his normal goof “he over here Alexa .” so here we are being driven down the road by the voices and no one even knows where we are .Obviously we got to get our self back together .So we sat on the quilt and laid on it that night to go to sleep in this field of thorns .That night we dozed off sort of ,we were aware of a feeling there were cows in the field and we worry that they would step on me as I laid there . the next day I laid in the sun and I guess I was pretty thirsty and I began thinking I might die out here and a voice said I was sun bathing at ocean city .I got up through the quilt in front of me trying to improve my educement and we came across a mud puddle there was a can there so I try to drink some of the water ,it was bitter and you couldn’t drink it .We worked our self out to the road where a man drove up in a truck with a saint Bernard in the back pulled up .I walked past the St.Barnard and got in the truck .He seemed to know what I wanted and he drove me to a little store with a drinking fountain outside of it .He didn’t let us drink right away a voice said very harshly cut your balls off .We sat down and tried to cut our balls off we couldn’t do it , it was to painful ..Then he said show us your birthmark and I pulled my pants down to show him my birthmark .Then he let us get a drink of water and said are you going to drink a pure water or a worldly coke I said both and we went inside and bought a coke . As we were drinking the water outside two giant size Indian police came up and slapped hang cuffs on me and took me to jail .i stayed in jail for three days the charge was indecent exposure .At first I thought they were going to beat me but they didn’t ,the put me in a holding tank with three other karate dancers . I got a shower and some food and coffee and I laid down on a bunk in the jail .This girl comes to visit one the three guys in jail and unbelievable they began singing a duet’ It sounded real good like the one from the pearl fishers ,one of the bigger and life things we ‘re part of the pearl fishers opera .So it made it kind of unreal .We did the kind of karate’ dance with our dinner trays and in three days they let us out .The charge was indecent exposure ,he made me wear a shirt I wasn’t wearing a shirt . We continued down the road we did not turn back for the safety of my car ,so now we’re bear footed .we stopped in a restaurant and had a coffee it was funny they weren’t open but they let me sit there with the chairs up the tables and served me coffee .I guess it was a pretty good trip that way ,another guy further down the road came out of the apartment building to the play ground I was sitting on a swing in the playground and he gave me a joint. Another guy bought me a pair of flip flops . After that it just became he struggle to get to California pounding the sidewalk day and night relying on the Lord is My Shepard going down of the path ,paths wherever he led .We ask no-one what state we were in or even what country as we went our way off the path back were there was red clay roads and big troughs for watering cattle but we made it to a western union in San Diego .I was in Xland for sure ! In Xland there is know one to call you crazy . I say madness has a learning curve at first you think the voice is the Lord but then you learn others hear voices too and it doesn’t seem like they are the Lord so you learn to cope but you don’t try to cut your balls off anymore and pay closer attention to Swedenborg who says both demons and angels talk to you .You learn ! We pounded the sidewalk until we came to a San Diego waterfront Big Daddy said why don’t you jump in an officer came off a ship going into the city .We looked down at our feet and we walked awhile then I was standing in front of a shoe store I went in and bought a pair of boots without socks we walked eyes on our feet looked up and we were in front of an airport bus terminal .We went in bought a ticket home after wiring home for money ,Western Union and we flew back to the east coast . When we got to Jarrettsville we began to isolate because people will just sit there and watch t.v. month after month and also some are very painful at least to me . We were hurt we needed some time to heal so we went in my bedroom and he came in the bedroom and said “you can’t lock yourself in a bedroom ”.To you does that describe me and what we had just finished .And he said “you had better get that heal looked at.” It was part of crucified feet ! To focus off this problem we began a square inch field and to try to understand through experience the Chinese Book of Life ,so we established a square inch field by keeping our eye on a little field at the end of a ball point pen. Many voices were heard in heaven and for the most part it was very loving at one point we entered a luminous what seemed at the same to be the embodiment of a horas or bride ,many ,many voices were heard for many months .It’s interesting because I didn’t hydrate or eat anything for months .finally they called an ambulance on me and they came and put me in a lock down and declared me mad . When I got Home my thousand petal lotus was closed so I went back to work with Lacy Francis a builder .I’m closing the narrative here and only saying a little taste of honey is better than never tasting honey ever . I continue the alchemy ,impression, impression ,impression allusion and inference , THESE ALLUSIONS I return to the cultural mind embellished . This went on these things voices and alchemy until the present moment 3 /19/ 16 There were beings taking hold our body ,spiriting us off to mental institutions entering them with shouts of I AM SHIVA the mental institutions reply,” have a seat oh rightest King Davida .”There were eyes that when looking out a window at my mother ‘s house saw little round balls of light but on the inside the room was normal there were two giant binoculars vision pumping like anti- aircraft guns ,pumping the sign of the fisher in each eye .We were thrown into the bottomless pit . Constantly using fowl language directed at our thousand petal lotus .Off which this psychiatrist said it was our imagination . It’s not our imaginations ! THE BEGINNING OF BRICA – BRACA Worship really means to make worthy of the concept .So if you wanted to see him more clearly ,follow him more nearly and love more dearly ,you would have to put together a similar ego structure and suffer similar things .As this becomes self knowledge to you and yet you don’t know enough about his concept to worship him ,we don’t just say john 3 : 16 alone but working hard on our selves we try to follow his word as best we can then at some point we will be able to worship him because we know what we’re saying ,we know what a rare piece of work he is . When the boss gets a office with a window in it or moves onto mahogany row isn’t it a form of worship to acknowledge his concept as CEO . So each of the rectitude with it’s preferred form of worship .So if he qualifies in the rectitude doesn’t he keep face or isn’t he worthy .But how would you know ? Someday we will see who gets what respect for what but we have to know what’s difficult and what isn’t .I doubt they will ever remove the self concept from looking for rectification as a reinforcement that the rectification is proper in a given network or common sense .The earned position in the common sense will always want to be noticed .We would want to keep the network for the sake of the many and not try to turn it into a pyramid in selfishness . THE MOBIL AND FRUSRATION The centre in the midst of conditions ,the conditions swirl around it like a mobile your mother once placed in your crib .You reach out for the conditions you long for them ,you put them your mouth to taste them ,you grasp them ,you entertain your eye with them ,you evaluate them with senses given . At the beginning of this life was a frustration of not being able to breath because of asthma .Then it came up the phlegm spilling out of my mouth onto the floor was my frustration over .There was a piece of liquorice in it that my sister had eaten that somehow came out of me ,I registered it as a concept I didn’t understand .It was whole un chewed it’s true Mom could have put it there maybe she thought I would do what I did go with the pastor ,faith working through grace to salvation ,there is a judgement of the ego in the cups of the Jewish Seder . If you were sitting three away from me and I said imagine you are the centre of the universe and extend your mind infinitely in all directions .It would seem you are in fact the centre of the universe but I can say the same thing but I’m sitting three feet away .So it’s a phenomenon I don’t understand ,so I went with the pastor faith working through grace to salvation .What is “it” that I registered ,I guess “ it ”is life . ENVI ORON OR A COINED WORD “EVIORON “ The Indian people have a concept of working on yourself called Shanna ,the idea in Shanna is to improve the condition of your soul hence your Karma and the souls abode called dershanes I’ve also heard it called Maqam .The phenomenon of consciousness itself is called your dharma and is the way ,truth and life .When Jesus says that about himself we understand he is the dharma ,his merit plus his consciousness itself . Jesus said prostitutes and sinners were getting into heaven first because they repented and did Sadhana improving themselves to gain heaven .I want a word for what we call such work .So I’m saying the eviorons of the soul which if we were hunter gatherers and then those eviorons were the soul worked on that matter to what it’s development is now .If for instance in a lower grade you learn your times tables that you should know than maybe you continue to advance in the next class. if you’ve fallen behind you can catch up ,all in all saying the evirons of the souls not just vicinity but the work in that place .What I, ‘m saying we have the saying nature or nurture again all in all I think I was taught they weren’t separate but heredity plus environment equalled development .I just wanted a term for the eviorons of the soul ” it’s work “ . REASONING : This problem presented itself as saying "all you have to reason with is appearances which appear then disappear", we lived like that for long time ."If the sun were to rise in the west I would be no wiser" ! Then we gave it to probability .we went to take a friend to the airport and when we saw the big ole airliner we thought what are the chances all those rivets ,all the nick-knacks ,every car was being driven ,and so was controlled by one person .So we said I think humans control their own hands so we called human hander peaches .Hander peaches the prototype ,the archetype in the Anthropos .It is possible to posit some things . Maybe I've heard philosophy admit to no-nabs a coined word , I think Bausch is more accurate . Beast The problem with beast is this ,the eviorons of evolution be negated as you demand every entry conforms to apriority reason . would you know ? Someday we will see who gets what respect for what but we have to know what’s difficult and what isn’t .I doubt they will ever remove the self concept from looking for rectification as a reinforcement that the rectification is proper in a given network or common sense .The earned position in the common sense will always want to be noticed .We would want to keep the network for the sake of the many and not try to turn it into a pyramid in selfishness . THE MOBIL AND FRUSRATION The centre in the midst of conditions ,the conditions swirl around it like a mobile your mother once placed in your crib .You reach out for the conditions you long for them ,you put them your mouth to taste them ,you grasp them ,you entertain your eye with them ,you evaluate them with senses given . At the beginning of this life was a frustration of not being able to breath because of asthma .Then it came up the phlegm spilling out of my mouth onto the floor was my frustration over .There was a piece of liquorice in it that my sister had eaten that somehow came out of me ,I registered it as a concept I didn’t understand .It was whole un chewed it’s true Mom could have put it there maybe she thought I would do what I did go with the pastor ,faith working through grace to salvation ,there is a judgement of the ego in the cups of the Jewish Seder . If you were sitting three away from me and I said imagine you are the centre of the universe and extend your mind infinitely in all directions .It would seem you are in fact the centre of the universe but I can say the same thing but I’m sitting three feet away .So it’s a phenomenon I don’t understand ,so I went with the pastor faith working through grace to salvation .What is “it” that I registered ,I guess “ it ”is life . ENVI ORON OR A COINED WORD “EVIORON “ The Indian people have a concept of working on yourself called Shanna ,the idea in Shanna is to improve the condition of your soul hence your Karma and the souls abode called dershanes I’ve also heard it called Maqam .The phenomenon of consciousness itself is called your dharma and is the way ,truth and life .When Jesus says that about himself we understand he is the dharma ,his merit plus his consciousness itself . Jesus said prostitutes and sinners were getting into heaven first because they repented and did Sadhana improving themselves to gain heaven .I want a word for what we call such work .So I’m saying the eviorons of the soul which if we were hunter gatherers and then those eviorons were the soul worked on that matter to what it’s development is now .If for instance in a lower grade you learn your times tables that you should know than maybe you continue to advance in the next class. if you’ve fallen behind you can catch up ,all in all saying the evirons of the souls not just vicinity but the work in that place .What I, ‘m saying we have the saying nature or nurture again all in all I think I was taught they weren’t separate but heredity plus environment equalled development .I just wanted a term for the eviorons of the soul ” it’s work “ . REASONING : This problem presented itself as saying "all you have to reason with is appearances whic