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Although every situation is unique, there are common factors that link the experience of an abusive relationship. Acknowledging these factors is an important step in preventing and stopping the abuse. This list can help you to recognise if you, or someone you know, are in an abusive relationship.
Destructive criticism and verbal abuse: shouting; mocking; accusing; name calling; verbally threatening.
Pressure tactics: sulking; threatening to withhold money, disconnecting the telephone, taking the car away, taking the children away, or reporting you to welfare agencies unless you comply with his demands; threatening or attempting suicide; withholding or pressuring you to use drugs or other substances; lying to your friends and family about you; telling you that you have no choice in any decisions.
Disrespect: persistently putting you down in front of other people; not listening or responding when you talk; interrupting your telephone calls; taking money from your purse without asking; refusing to help with childcare or housework.
Breaking trust: lying to you; withholding information from you; being jealous; having other relationships; breaking promises and shared agreements.
Isolation: monitoring or blocking your telephone calls; telling you where you can and cannot go; preventing you from seeing friends and relatives; shutting you in the house.
Harassment: following you; checking up on you; not allowing you any privacy (for example, opening your mail), repeatedly checking to see who has telephoned you; embarrassing you in public; accompanying you everywhere you go.
Threats: making angry gestures; using physical size to intimidate; shouting you down; destroying your possessions; breaking things; punching walls; wielding a knife or a gun; threatening to kill or harm you and the children; threatening to kill or harm family pets; threats of suicide.
Sexual violence: using force, threats or intimidation to make you perform sexual acts; having sex with you when you don't want it; forcing you to look at pornographic material; forcing you to have sex with other people; any degrading treatment related to your sexuality or to whether you are lesbian, bisexual or heterosexual.
Physical violence: punching; slapping; hitting; biting; pinching; kicking; pulling hair out; pushing; shoving; burning; strangling.
Denial: saying the abuse doesn't happen; saying you caused the abusive behaviour; being publicly gentle and patient; crying and begging for forgiveness; saying it will never happen again.
Destructive Criticism: name calling
Pressure Tactics: sulking, forced silences, banging around the house, contemptive looks, reporting me to HMRC unless I complied, threatening or attempting suicide, lying to his friends about me
Constantly huffing and puffing around the house, banging doors, locking self away in a separate space, prolonged silences (days or weeks), minimally speaking and speaking with contempt, saying sleeping under a bridge – hiding in garden shed for a week, will report me to HMRC and Council for having him living there, various threats of attempted suicide – smashing car windscreen (Silver BMW), saying going to drive himself into a wall, drinking and driving, saying found a spot to kill himself
Disrespect: Persistently putting you down, not listening or responding when you talk, interrupting telephone calls, refusing to help with the children or housework
Constantly commenting on appearance, ability to keep a good home, making belittleing comments – such as when I comment on TV etc. Commenting on my abilities, such as lack of singing skills, perceived lack of discipline
Breaking Trust: lyng to you, withholding information from you, being jealous, having or attempting to have other relationships, breaking promises or not following through with pre-agreed activities/promises.
Isolation: Monitoring or blocking telephone calls, checking mobile, checking social media sites, preventing you from seeing your friends/or creating issues when you attempt to see your friends.
Harrassment: Following you, checking up on you, not allowing you any privacy (i.e. going through your mail, bags etc), checking up on who is calling you/texting you, embarrassing you in public/creating a scene.
Threats: Making angry gestures, using physical size to intimidate, shouting you down, destroying your possessions/breaking things, punching walls, wielding a knife, threatening harm or threats of suicide.
Sexual Violence: using force, having sex when you don’t want to,
Physical violence: pushing, shoving, burning, strangling, taking the children away, or reporting you to welfare agencies unless you comply with his demands; threatening or attempting suicide; withholding or pressuring you to use drugs or other substances; lying to your friends and family about you; telling you that you have no choice in any decisions.
Harrassment: Following you, c