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Embed code for: 12th Jan 2014 sad events
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Last night, I got home from being in the office all day (Sunday!) to, ‘Where’s the Black Tape?’.................... me, silence, thinking.......... ‘you had it to do the Christmas boxes, where is it? Let me guess, you don’t know. I can’t find anything in this house.’
Paula – searches the house, finds the tapes on top of the kitchen cupboard where he had put it. She takes it to him and says it’s where you put it. You put it on top of the cupboard and that’s why you couldn’t find it. ‘It’s this house. It does my head in. I can’t even find the torch.’ Me-‘The kids had it, they were playing with it.’ Silence. Stood in the rain while he moans and groans about the car......
Cooked tea and sit at the table. Bit of tension in the air. Shouting at Jack for not eating his food all up. Jack being cheeky, throwing wobblys. Calling his dad a greedy goat he’d heard on the telly. ‘Paula, you better tell him.’ Shout shout shout. Olivia says, ‘I’m finished, can I leave that?’ Two fish fingers and some beans. Colin – ‘Why did you make them so much when you know they won’t eat it? I told you it was too much.’ Paula – ‘they normally eat them all.’ Colin ‘ No it’s too much, and no Olivia, you can’t leave it. Finish it.’ Paula-‘don’t make her finish the plate, if she’s had enough, she’s had enough.’ Colin – ‘no, it’s not the point. They rule this house. She can finish what’s on her plate – shouting. Eat it!’ Olivia nibbles the ends off the fish finger, then puts the whole centre bit in her mouth. Colin ‘ what is she doing? Her attitude stinks!!! Tell her!!! Her attitude stinks.’ Paula – ‘leave her. She doesn’t know how to please you. You told her to eat it, so she’s eating it.’ Colin- ‘No paula, she’s being funny and having an attitude, trying to SHOVE the whole thing in her mouth. You never back me up do you? The kids do what they want and you never back me up? You just sit there, slobbing around letting them do what they want.’ Paula – ‘stop shouting!’ Colin ‘No I won’t, I’m always the bad guy. He’s naughty and you don’t do anything and she’s got a bad attitude’ Ranting, shouting and huffing and puffing about. He says that the house is a mess and it’s my fault. ‘I go to work!’ I say. That’s all I ever hear, he says. Other mums work and their houses don’t look like this. ‘Why don’t you help me?’ I say. ‘What, dont’ even start. When we weren’t together you made more of an effort, but then, you had something to make an effort for didn’t you?’
Olivia ‘I want to leave, I’m packing a bag and I’m going to nans. I don’t want to stay here’. Colin 0- you’re not going anywhere, you’re staying here. Olivia sobbing.............
Olivia’s really crying at this point and Jack’s playing up. ‘Why’s she crying? She’s just a drama queen.’ No she isn’t, I say. She’s upset. You’re upsetting her. “she does it to herself, drama queen.”
Why don’t you just leave? Go to your mums? Colin – ‘No i Won’t, why should i?’
I take the kids upstairs for a bath. Olivia’s very very upset and can’t stop crying. She asks me why I won’t do something about it. I say I will, but I can’t tonight. ‘You always say you will and then you don’t. I don’t want to live here anymore. I don’t want to be near him.; Jack ‘ daddy’s a naughty daddy isn’t he? He’s a greedy goat and I’ll batter him.’
My heart breaks for the children. They shouldn’t have to witness such a disgusting display of verbal abuse from their own father. I bath them and put Jack to bed with the telly on while i wash olivia’s hair. She’s still determined to leave the house. I tell her it will be okay and I’ll sort it, but she doesn’t believe me. She thinks her mum is weak.
After Jack’s hot chocolate and a cuddle, I take Olivia downstairs to dry her hair. He’s gone. Gone out for a while. Olivia breathes, makes a drink and sits on the couch, asking me why he’s like this and what am i going to do aobut it. I tell me I’ll make him leave, or we’ll go. She begs me not to leave this house that she loves so much – but i tell her – we can find somewhere nice. We’ll make it a nice home with no more shouting. She cuddles me and I know I have to stick to my guns. How many times can you let a child down and they still believe you? I don’t know, but I know I haven’t got any chances left. We were happy on our own and I’ve done this to the kids. I believed the lies and now, here we are again. I will do this. I will get rid of him and make our lives happier again.
19th August. Talked about being unhappy. Ended in barrage of abuse.
4th November – Jack’s party. Snapped the gazebo up, shouting, upsetting his mum and Olivia.
Prior to that wasa the incident with the toast on 21st November 2013. Texts
Monday 6th January – Texts...
After Jack’s hot chocolate and a cuddle, I take Olivia downstairs to dry her hair. He’s gone. Gone out for a while. Olivia breathes, makes a drink and sits on the couch, asking me why he’s like this and what am i going to do aobut it. I tell me I’ll make him leave, or we’ll go. She begs me not to leave this house that she loves so much – but i tell her – we can find s