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September 9, 2016
I am writing this letter after the fact because I realized how much it upset you to let you know how I felt about you bringing your mother to my home to visit me. You must know that was the first time since we both met after her affair and the subsequent divorce of your parents. I thought you were adult and mature enough to understand where I was coming from and see my side of the spectrum but your reaction to the situation made me to know I was wrong.
After leaving my home, I watched you both get in the car. Don’t get me wrong I was very happy to see you; but not Netta. Everything that happened between she and my son came back in my mind as if it just happened. I did not welcome that feeling because I loved my son Carlyle, your father. I did not need to be thrust back in time where I lost my child due to the behavior of your mother; her candid disrespect for the love my son had for his family (her, you and your brother). She rubbed her infidelity in his face with no regard of how fragile his system was following his kidney transplant surgery. She continued rubbing it in his face until the stress of it was too much for him to bear and it ended with his death.
I did not need to be taken back there by her visit to my home. I have forgiven her, for I need to be forgiven of my sins also, but I will never forget how she treated my child. I wanted to call you on the phone and tell you not to bring her back to my home, but thought that would be too impersonal and would be better face to face. I decided whenever I see you again to discuss it with you. Your mother is not free of the blame for all this spillage of submerged hurt at this time. It had to come out because it was never dealt with. It had to come out so that I will have some relief of the hurt I’ve felt all these years.
Now everyone knows how deep it hurt me and I could never be friends to the point where we visit each other’s homes as though nothing ever happened. She should have never accepted your invitation to accompany you to visit me at my home. It was an insult. She knew all that she did to my child and that I knew all that happened because Carlyle told me everything. He shared all with me and his God. He knew the word of God and fed on it daily. Were it not for that one fact, he could have been incarcerated for murder and held on death row. Instead the stress of it all took his life anyway at the tender age of thirty-seven years.
Janae when I told you in their bedroom in Malick’s house, I saw the pain in your eyes as you began to cry. You didn’t see me crying also. I was in pain also and was able to get some relief by letting it out. It hurt me to lose my son that way and no one showed empathy to a mother who lost her son because of a heartless, scorned woman.
I’ve been told I love you the best of all my grandchildren, especially since I give all my cherished belongings to you. Namely my crystal collections, my wall glass cabinet, for all my glass crystal glasses and plates. My pictures, my formal dining room table and chairs (8), my leather den chairs, tables, porch furniture are all included along with some of your father’s furniture I had in the basement. I’ve included some of my jewelry, nugget ring etc. You’ve got it all and that is why they say I love you the best. But you showed me love too because you saw how much Carlyle loved me his mother.
I want you to know that I would never do anything to hurt you; I love you too much and want only good things for you and your family and it is not fair or right for your offspring to be deprived of a grandma or a great grandma’s love and vice versa.
I hope as you read this letter and I pour out my heart in it, you will get a glimpse into my mind as I try to let you in. I am Carlyle’s mother and I felt his pain. I had to bury him because of a woman’s scorn.
So let’s get on with the business of repairing our relationship and moving forward. So call or write me whichever. I truly believe this situation would not have gotten out of hand if it wasn’t for outside intruders eg. Wayne, Claudia and Ammon.
I know that the trip to Trinidad was not as sad as it appeared to be for you enjoyed shopping, partying and dancing so much it went viral/internet. So indeed you had a good time there.
Now you and everyone else knows how I really feel and never got a chance to express it. So let’s move forward.
Love you always,
Your Grandma/Great Grandma
Gloriae my side of the spectrum but your reaction to the situation made me to know I was wrong.
So let’s get on with the business of repairing our relationship and moving forward. So call or write me whichever. I truly believe this situation would not have gotten out of hand if it wasn’t for