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Embed code for: A MAN TWISTED BY LOVE, CONTROLLED BY FEAR
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I speak out about the harsh reality of of how one man was controlled by fear. How fear of losing his daughter twisted his heart.
A MAN TWISTED BY LOVE, CONTROLLED BY FEAR
On The Outside I Am Strong, On The Inside I lived In Fear
Before We Start, Let's Bake A Cake
I am a 39 year old, single dad with only one child. A survivor of twisted mental abuse from a hell of a marriage speaks out and let's you inside.
For the first 3.5 years married I was slowly becoming the victim of a very bad mentally abusive marriage that pulled a family apart.
Start with being separated twice once in September 2013, reconciled in February 2014. Final separation by the beginning of April 2014, I am still being victimized.
Now add 6 years of the Ministry of Children and Family Development (MCFD) in the life of my child and family, being passed from one worker to the next.
Then mix with, the past 3 years of being pulled in and out of court by a person with a destructive personality. Who failed to parent 8 children prior to giving birth to the one now. MCFD removed all 8 children for a number of reasons.
Top with a worker from MCFD that appears bias and is pushing hard for the mothers rights despite numerous reports and concerns brought forward by Medical and Mental Health Professionals within the young child's life now.
Put this in the oven and bake for almost 7 years.
Insight About A Dad
Here is a bit about my background before, during, and after the marriage.
I have worked in the Security field for 20 years now, a profession that chose me.
I graduated High School with an education in the steel trades program. After High School I attended College for some more trades education.
I started working at the age of 12 for a produce company doing small tasks to earn money for things I wanted. Growing up in a family where everyone chipped in to help out. Being raised in a family where parents made sacrifices so the children would not go without.
After College I worked in the trades full time and part time doing security for venues mainly at that time.
At the age of 27 I took Municipal Office as a council member for a 3 year term. During the time I was in office I made the move to security as a full time job.
A New Year, A New Life
Starting 2010 a person from my past came back into my life. We ended up getting together one night. After that she was coming by more and more, before I knew it here she was living with me. Hey It was the happiest I had been in a long time.
After a few months together something had happened one night. We were going to bed and out of nowhere she tells me that her breasts hurt. I stood up, looked at her and jokingly said I bet you are pregnant. There is no way she says. Two weeks later she walks in, looks at me and said I was right. So that's it we were going to have a baby. I was exited, I was going to be a dad for the first time and she was going to be a mom for the 9th time. She wanted to change her life and be a mother. It was exciting to think of a new family and life.
Not long after she sees a DR, here is the Ministry of Children and Families at our front door. They had her flagged in the medical system immediate seizure upon birth, they were there to tell us that our child was going to taken away at birth. Knowing nothing about her having this order in place against her, now I was being told I would never see my child. Why? I was not part of her past, her mistakes. MCFD assumed I was just another deadbeat male in her life, just one more baby daddy.
I was not going to just let my rights as a first time parent be taken away simple for her past. MCFD started to dig into my past and found nothing but good things about me and my past, they had no reason to deny me being a father. MCFD were not OK if mom was to be kept with our child after birth. I believed she could change to be a mom and so did my whole family. MCFD agreed to let mom stay in our child's life due to my background and the help and support of my family and friends as well as the whole community.
When Will It Stop
Under the eye of the Ministry for the next year and a half all seemed good, on the outside. Behind closed doors I started to feel like my life being slowly taken from me.
The love I have for my daughter was being used to control me by twisting love to fear, fear of losing my only child if I did not do what I was told by my wife. Day in and day out my wife drilled in my head that if I ever started to talk about our not so happy life that we would both lose our child. I started losing friends, why? All I did was work or be home with our child.
By the time the Ministry had no more concerns and was closing our file my wife and I were told that if it was not for the family I had and who I was she would have never been allowed to have this child in her life.
We decided moving to a smaller house to raise our girl on our own was good. After that it was many days and nights just my daughter and I together as my wife did what ever she wanted and slept with other men thinking that I did not know what she was doing.
After 3 years of having nothing that resembled a family. I had no life but work to try to pay bills and be there for my child. Being treated like a worthless waste of skin being left to raise my daughter on my own while hiding a very mentally abusive marriage where I was the victim. This was no life for anyone.
My life took a turn that was tough for any man. By then end of summer 2013 My life went to ruins. My wife was not coming home at night telling me nothing but lies about where she was and what she was doing. By September our marriage was on the rocks and wanted to leave with our child. I was not going to just let her take our daughter, she has not been any kind of a mother to our child up to this point.
My wife took our daughter out one day and agreed to have her home for dinner. When I got a call from my wife telling me that she was going to keep our daughter and not bring her home I did not know what to do. Our daughter was to home so that I could get her ready to go spend time with her grandmother for weekend because I going away with my dad that weekend. Fearing that my wife was going to run with our child a call was placed to MCFD.
When my wife found out the call was placed no more issues my daughter was returned. Life continued I was not going leave because of all that was going on. I was convinced by my wife that I needed to go and how good it would be just to let it all go for a weekend she even helped out with a bit of cash to get me to go.
Just after that I was called and told to bring my daughter to the office for a wellness check. The day of what I thought was going to be a wellness check and things were going to get better. My wife showed up with her lawyer. Same lawyer that was defending us as a couple with our fight to keep our daughter from the Ministry taking her away from us, so really did not think much about the lawyer showing up with her.
Next thing I knew I was blindsided with what happened. I was accused of being a crackhead by my wife and her lawyer the meeting was stopped and my daughter and my sole ripped away in a blink of an eye. All it took was some tears and lies about being scared of anger issues that I was accused of having and some so called pictures that she took of drug stuff in an drawer she found in the house while my father and I were out of town for the weekend.
I thought my life was over. I walk into a meeting with this little girl that is my life thinking nothing was wrong. I walked out with 2 hours to return to the the family home to pack a bag and get out.
I was set up by both the ex wife and her boyfriend that she had been cheating on me with for sometime before the day I lost everything. This was the First separation and despite what she had done I still wanted to be a family.
Over the following months I did everything I could to save our family and in February 2014 we reconciled. living together with our child so I thought. My wife just would not stop the abuse and using our child as a weapon to control me.
I had finally had enough of the lies, deceit, betrayal, and destruction that she was causing. Trying to save our life together I confronted her asking that she stop, to give up the crap and just come home. Come home be a mom, a wife I loved and to be a family.
Just like that she walked out on both of us at the end of March of 2014.
This Was A Look Inside
What you have read is a summary of the first 6 years of being a father in the life of me. I will not be quite any more about the fact that I am the abused spouse of the marriage. I am speaking out to the harsh reality that the rights of equality in the domestic setting still to this day are one sided in this time of equality for everyone