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Week 3 Outline Assignment
COM200: Interpersonal Communication
October 17, 2016
Expectations and assumptions that we have of other people, are often the source of our suffering.(Ruiz ,1997) When our expectations are not met, we are instead met with disappointment. Often, the expectations that we have of our significant other are unfair expectations. We assume that they know what we mean, how we think, and what we feel, when most of the time this isn’t true; because it takes effective competent interpersonal communication to express one’s internal cogitation to their partner, no matter how much their partner may love them. This communication of our inner thoughts, feelings, wants, and fears are not only beneficial to providing clarification to those with whom one communicates, but it also provides clarification of oneself to oneself . Self Awareness is key to communication competence, and the verbalization of one’s internalities help to self-analyze and hear one’s own thoughts, hopes, fears, and desires spoken aloud, allowing for revision, and reflection. Additionally, -Self-disclosure is necessary to build intimacy in any relationship.
COmmunication Apprehension CA is a significant barrier to effective interpersonal communication. Bevan & Sole explain in MAKING CONNECTIONS: UNDERSTANDING INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION (2014), describe communication apprehension a major communication challenge that makes one less confident and a less competent communicator (ch5 Intro. para.2) SInce competent communication is linked to the quality of one’s interpersonal communication and relationships, it is also linked to one's sense of Self-Esteem, which also contributes to the quality of interpersonal relations. Without decent Self-esteem, and effective interpersonal communication with one’s partner the couple will likely find that developing intimacy is a challenge.
Bevan and Sole (2014) state of Self Image, Self Concept and Self Esteem:
Self-image is important because how you think about yourself affect A good self-image is associated with increased self-esteems your physical, mental, social, emotional, and spiritual well-being and how you respond to events in your life. Self-image can also determine the quality of your relationships because you carry that self-image into all your interpersonal interactions with others.” ( Bevan & Sole 2014)
Self esteem is determined by one’s Self-Image.. A good self-image is associated with increased self-esteem.
The relationship between self-esteem and how we relate to others is crucial for building and maintaining increased self-esteem.” (CHapter 2:1 Self Esteem)
Additionally, there is a positive correlation between self-esteem and intimacy issues among men. (Mahalik & Locke 2001)
Although I selected the article for it’s content regarding gender and cultural differences, I noticed the connection they made between sexual intimacy and self-esteem, and their positive correlation. They propose that men with gender role conflict generally experience low self-esteem and sexual intimacy issues. But since effective self disclosure and communication competence affect how one relates to others, and ultimately helps shape their self esteem also, then one’s psychosocial health, and competence should be viewed from a more holistic perspective.
Self disclosure is necessary to build meaningful, and intimate relationships. Intimacy from deep, meaningful relationships is the means by which people develop emotional intelligence. If severe communication apprehension impedes one’s attempts at self-disclosure to others, then we find a barrier to satisfactory intimacy, emotional intelligence, and optimal self-esteem. An article in the 3rd issue of volume 3 Human Communication Research (1977) McCrosky, and team positively correlate one’s severity of low self-esteem with high Communication apprehension. (p.270)
Communication competence results from balancing effectiveness and appropriateness.
A competent communicator will fail to communicate effectively without a competent listener.
One must express empathy in a relationship, thereby accurately perceiving and truly understanding their partner’s point of view. If one can practice empathetic listening they have managed to become less selfish, and taken a more objective view on the situation, without bias imposition of their own agenda. (Beven&Sole 2014 8.3 para 1-3)
Empathy and social support are beneficial to Relationship maintenance, if not absolutely necessary. Until one is able to take an empathic perspective, then they are unable to be considerate of their partner’s needs, opinion, or beliefs; furthermore, if one lacks the capacity for empathy, they likewise lack emotional intelligence.
Gender differs from biological sex in the sense that Gender is a social construct which varies among cultures, and is the behavioral expectations one’s culture has of them based of their traditional gender roles. Mahalik1 & Locke explain about the complications and dynamics that gender differentiation foster, in regards to interpersonal communication and general behaviors and cultural relativism:
To understand how nationality may inﬂuence masculinity, it is important to recognize that masculine norms emerge from a speciﬁc socio-cultural context and must be understood within that culture. For example, Mead(1935) demonstrated that males could be socialized to enact a surprisingly wide variety of behaviors associated with family roles, work, and sexuality. Reﬂecting this ﬂuid conceptualization of masculinity, Pleck (1995) viewed masculinity as a set of speciﬁc cultural messages reﬂective of a culture’s socially constructed attitudes, behaviors, and roles proper to men. In identifying national culture as an important contextual variable affecting masculinity, we believe factors such as the characteristics of the economy, the distribution of wealth in a society, the political environment, and a nation’s founding and recent history affect a society’s social construction of what are appropriate masculine attitudes, behaviors, and roles. (Mahalik1 & Locke, 2001)
The assumptions and expectations that one has regarding their life, themselves, and their significant other, partly due to social constructs like gender, race, etc., are a main source of interrelational conflict. Many of the expectations one has of their partner are often unfair, unrealistic, or not effectively communicated, and in need of clarification, A neglection of a self inventorial reflection as to the expectations one has of their partner, is a neglection to obtain self awareness, and provide self-disclosure, build communication competence and deeper intimacy in the relationship..
More attention should be paid to the expectations and assumptions that one has of their partners and loved ones as well as any unfair expectations one has of the self.. Regular inventory of these expectations will allow for reflection on the extent of their validity, realisticness, and selfishness; and furthermore, it will allow couples to vigilantly foresee areas of potential conflict, disappointment, and dissatisfaction with their relationship
James R. Mahalik1 and Benjamin D. Locke, Harry Theodore Charles, Robert J. Cournoyer, Brendan F. LloydA., (2001) Cross-National and Cross-Sectional Comparison of Men’s Gender Role Conflict and its Relationship to Social Intimacy and Self-Esteem Sex Roles, Vol. 45, No. 1-2
Bevan, J. L., & Sole, K. (2014).
http://outboundsso.next.ecollege.com/default/launch.ed?ssoType=CDMS&redirectUrl=https://content.ashford.edu/ssologin?bookcode=AUCOM200.14.1Making connections: Understanding interpersonal communication (2nd ed.) [Electronic version]. Retrieved from
Ruiz, Miguel, 1997, The Four Agreements, Amber Allen Publishing Inc. Retrieved from:
McCrosky, Daly,J., Rishmomnd V, Falcione R. (1977) STUDIESOFTHERELATIONSHIPBETWEENCOMMUNICATIONAPPREHENSIONANDSELF-ESTEEM, Human Communication Research vo.l3 No.3
Running Head: WEEK 3 OUTLINE ASSIGNMENT 1
WEEK 3 OUTLINE ASSIGNMENT 7oint of view. If one can practice empathetic listening they have managed to become less selfish, and taken a more objective view on the situation, without bias imposition of their own agenda. (Beven&Sole 2014 8.3 para 1-3)
McCrosky, Daly,J., Rishmomnd V, Falcione R. (1977) STUDIESOFTHERELATIONSHIPBETWEENCOMMUNICAT